


Boys Will Be Bugs

by captn_james



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, M/M, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Tandi, Secret Crush, Tyrus - Freeform, Tyrus Week (Andi Mack), literally a tandi story about tyrus, please don't think this is tandi shipping i swear to gawd, tandi - Freeform, tyrus andi mack - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 13:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19947298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captn_james/pseuds/captn_james
Summary: Andi Mack was many things: kind-hearted, open, supportive - she was TJ Kippen’s soulmate, plain and simple. And she was stunning, really. She radiated warmth like a furnace, and drew people in like bugs to a porch light in an Alabama swamp. He was lucky to have her./He/ was so much warmer, though. Warm enough to burn. The sun was a mere speck of light when he smiled, and TJ could write a whole book on the way he laughed.TJ wasn’t a bug. Boys were supposed to be bugs, but he wasn't a bug - he was a boy desperate to get burned.





	1. Prologue - A Brief History

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure how many chapters this will be, and it will probably continue to be posted well after the end of this Finale Week but I wanted to contribute anyway! This story has been in my WIP folder for months, and has changed so many times its insane. I took the best scenes from each iteration of the story to come up with this. I hope you all enjoy :)

TJ and Andi’s friendship, like any truly great friendship, predated their ability to walk. It was natural. Historical, even. The Kippen and Mack households sat just a garden and chainlink fence away from each other in the small nothing town of Shadyside. The Kippens’ were a family too many to count, with TJ smack-dab in the middle, and hungry for attention. Andi Mack was, essentially, an only child, with her older sister Bex only ever an occasion, and never a constant. It was almost as if every force in the Universe had pushed the two together. It could have began on a hot summer day in mid-July, or maybe it began when the snow still fell fresh onto the ground -- either way, it had been long enough that the specific day was long forgotten.

Their friendship, over the years, took many forms. It was napping in the same playpen, and chasing each other around the coffee table. It was sleepovers where they went to bed at 8 pm and had to pretend to like Muesli in the mornings. It was walkie talkies and matching Halloween costumes. It was looking for worms after the rain, and being detectives in TJ’s backyard. It was trading crayons and burying their dead pet rocks. It was TJ thinking he was Chinese until he was 7 years old. It was notes and pictures in each other’s lunches, inside jokes, bottle cap collections, secretly keeping a dog in Andi’s garage for two weeks, and sharing TJ’s favorite X-Men shirt. It was clubhouses with passwords, and blanket forts to hide under during thunderstorms. It was comfort and stability.

Andi Mack was balance. If there was one thing TJ Kippen ever needed, it was balance. Her whole family was TJ's dream: a couple with only one child to dote on, and plenty of free time. After his father left, the Mack family helped provide the much needed balance on the scale of TJ’s life that had been tipped severely out of proportion. They gave him all the attention that the middle child of 6 with a single mother craved like an essential vitamin. Ham helped him with his homework, and CeCe watched him after school and took him to all his sports games. Though they would never admit it, Ham and CeCe paid for the team fees and uniforms that his mother couldn’t afford. His room at home was filled with postcards from Bex’s travels, and he and Andi had their own clubhouse in Andi’s backyard. They were everything that he needed and more, the Mack family, and Andi was the person in the world who knew him best.

They were Lennon and McCartney, Oprah and Gayle. The whole neighborhood knew them, and they often caught questioning eyes if one was found without the other. They had their own little world, and as they got older they would eventually learn to open up their bubble to others, but nothing ever paralleled the bond between the two. As they say, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and there was never more true a saying.

Andi Mack was many things: kind-hearted, open, supportive - she was TJ Kippen’s soulmate, plain and simple. And she was stunning, really. She radiated warmth like a furnace, and drew people in like bugs to a porch light in an Alabama swamp. TJ was lucky to have her -- that much he knew.

Andi was surely TJ’s soulmate. But maybe, if there was such a thing, he could have more space in those unused corners of his soul, space for something that could light a fire in him that shone through his eyes and burned through to the very center. Yes, Andi was warm, but _he_ was so much warmer. Warm enough to burn, to melt TJ down into nothingness. The sun was a mere speck of light when he smiled, and TJ could write a whole book on the way he laughed.

TJ wasn’t a bug. Boys were supposed to be bugs, but he wasn't a bug - he was a boy desperate to get burned.


	2. Elementary

TJ sat on the couch, his fingers picking at the pilling on the edge of the cushion absentmindedly. A basketball game played on the TV set, but TJ was the only one really watching. This was one of the rare moments his mom was home, although she sat at the kitchen table behind TJ, with opened bills laid out in front of her, messy blonde hair falling haphazardly into her face, ratted in the places where she’d frustratedly wrung her hands through. She would periodically beg TJ to turn the game down _just a little bit more please_ in a desperate and quiet voice, a tremble to her lips as she covered the bottom of the house phone with her hand. She had never seemed so small to TJ before.

The couch, in contrast, had never seemed so big. Even as tall as TJ was, if he sat all the way back, his feet would dangle above the floor. When his dad sat on the couch, long legs sprawled out, it had always seemed so much more normal. The couch felt like an island. It was one of the many things that had felt off in the weeks since his dad had walked out.

That night was a flurry of harsh words, tears, and work shirts being thrown out the second-story window onto the lawn. His older brother Zack, eyes shimmering with tears, rounded up the kids and brought them to TJ and Zack’s shared room. His hands shook as he tried to load a VHS tape into the TV, and TJ only remembered clutching onto his sister Amber’s arm as his stomach churned. The baby was (surprisingly) still sleeping, the twins were too young yet to understand things weren’t okay. Zack and Amber were still stuck in their act of pretending everything was. The last thing the Kippen children ever heard from their father was “I’ll call you on your birthdays” as the door slammed shut behind him, shaking the family pictures on the wall. 

(He never would call them on their birthdays).

Today, though, TJ was brave enough to sit on the couch again, if only to watch the game for a little while. It was a step in the right direction, and his mom even seemed to be proud of him that he was no longer avoiding it. He didn’t know why his dad left, and he couldn’t begin to understand what had happened, but he could appreciate the value of moving on.

He concentrated on his favorite players with laser focus, waiting and hoping that Andi would walk through the door. The weekends were often like this; TJ would go about his morning, eat his cereal and watch his morning cartoons before Andi finally arrived to play. When they were a few years younger, she would usually show up in costume, prompting TJ to change into whatever outfit would match hers that day. Sometimes they would be sheriffs or astronauts, he once even borrowed one of Zack’s old suits (which was still hideously large on him) to be the prince to her princess. Now that they were older, they didn’t often dress up, though those memories were always TJ’s unadmitted favorite.

Lately, he hadn’t been up to going out much, spending more time with his mother and siblings as the budding separation anxiety planted by his father grew. Sometimes Andi would just show up and sit right down next to him, watching whatever show he had been staring at, wrapping her tiny arms around him. That kind of strong, silent support he could always count on from her. He reasoned, though, that if sitting on the couch was step one, then spending time with Andi was step two, and _boy_ had he missed her. So there he sat, on the literal edge of his seat (mostly to avoid his feet hanging from the edge of the furniture), looking between the door and the game with sporadic bursts of intense focus, waiting for her to show up. 

By the time he heard her feet walking up his driveway, he was already off the couch and poised at the door. Excitedly, he wrenched it open to find Andi, bright and smiling wearing her favorite orange shirt. Next to her stood Buffy, the new friend she had made in her class at school.

TJ and Buffy had met a few times before, usually with fiery explosion. Buffy was strong, independent, and frightening. If TJ was being honest, he didn’t hate her, but at this emotional point in his life, their personalities complemented each other quite like baking soda and vinegar.

Behind the girls, on the last porch step, stood a new friend TJ hadn’t met. A boy with chocolate brown eyes and an endearing pout gracing his small features. He stood there, curled in on himself like a frightened puppy under TJ’s questioning gaze. 

“Hi, Andi.” he turned to look at his best friend, smiling softly. He kept the corner of his eye on the other boy. Andi beamed up at him, and Buffy waved politely. He stepped forward slightly into the doorway. “What’s up?” he finally settled on, after mulling over the tons of questions circling in his head.

“We made a new friend, so now you _have_ to play with us so it will be even!” Andi’s voice almost had a hint of desperation as she spoke, one hand already on TJ as if poised to grab him if he tried to retreat inside. TJ felt guilty that she had to beg, but he didn’t blame her. He had been rather stick-in-the-muddish lately. TJ seemed to contemplate this logic for a minute, looking back at his mother who was caught up in a light phone argument. He glanced at the TV, then over to Zack asleep in the armchair, and then back to the three friends on his doorstep. 

“Please, TJ? I really want to show them Tandi Shack, but I can’t if you aren’t there. Club rules.” Andi tried again, batting her eyelashes and jutting her lip out into a small pout. TJ sighed quietly. He had been so excited earlier to spend time with Andi, but seeing Buffy had nearly frightened him back to his spot in front of the TV.

But, if it wasn’t Andi’s bashful pleading or the guilt he felt for it, it was the prospect of getting to know this new friend that he found a bit intriguing, if one can be intrigued at the age of 8. He smiled and nodded as he slipped his shoes on, while Andi cheered. He waved to his mom as he shut the door behind him, missing her small smile as she watched him leave with his friends.

“This is Cyrus. We met him at school, his mom wrote Buffy a letter.” Andi introduced as they made their way off of TJ’s front porch.

“He’s in Mr. Mike’s class, but that’s okay because we get the same recess.” Buffy further informed as Andi nodded thoughtfully. TJ stuck his hand out for Cyrus to shake and smiled softly. The other boy sheepishly shook his hand and then promptly shuffled closer to Buffy. TJ felt oddly hopeful. For the first time since Andi had started bringing Buffy around, everything felt more balanced. If there was one thing TJ Kippen ever needed, it was balance. 

Now that TJ could get a better look, he could see that Cyrus was dressed like a miniature old man, with a sweater that reminded TJ incredibly of his own great grandfather. Or at least, he thought he remembered. He met him once in Ohio. Either way, it was something he found interesting rather than weird, and he was already bursting with a thousand questions he wanted to ask Cyrus.

The group walked over to the pool ladder casually placed over the edge of the fence connecting the Kippen and Mack backyards. They talked about a few trivial things -- the new episodes of whatever cartoons they liked, or what weird things they remember that kid Kevin on the school bus saying last year. Cyrus chimed in a few times after he seemed to become more comfortable. After they climbed the pool ladder, they walked along the drying grass, careful to avoid stepping in CeCe’s flowers.

Suddenly, the talking died out as Andi stopped proudly by the door of a white shack in the corner of her yard. She raised her flat palms up to the hand-painted sign as if she was Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune. The sun glistened off her hair clips and cast small lights onto the side of the shack.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Tandi Shack!” she smiled proudly. The sign, bearing both of their handprints, read “Thomas and Andi’s Shack” in neat script, with “Tandi” painted underneath in a design that was obviously Bex’s creation (or, at least, obvious to anyone who had met her). Andi looked over at TJ expectantly, keeping her hands up just a moment longer as she waited for him to explain. TJ took a breath and thought for a moment.

“Okay, so you two are about to witness the _coolest_ clubhouse in Shadyside _history_. Never before have two strangers seen the wonders that this place holds! Be prepared, because once you leave you are forever and always a member of the Secret Club.” TJ thought on his feet, crouching down as if to imply that this was extremely sensitive information. Cyrus leaned forward. Buffy raised an eyebrow.

“The Secret Club?” she asked, failing to disguise a laugh. TJ rolled his eyes and Andi placed her hand on his arm softly -- a gentle reminder to keep his temper in check.

“Yes, the _secret_ club because it will stay _a secret_ to anyone who doesn’t take it seriously.” TJ looked at Buffy sternly, and she stopped smiling and leaned forward with Cyrus.

“Just trust us, it’s worth it! Follow exactly what TJ does.” Andi said, quickly going into the shack and shutting the door behind her with a soft click. TJ looked over to Buffy and Cyrus, before knocking on the door in the rhythmic pattern of ‘Smoke on the Water’.

“What’s the password?” From behind the door, Andi made her voice sound deep as if she was a Wizard gatekeeper for some dungeon of magic books.

“Orange. Juice.” TJ said in a monotone voice, and almost as soon as he did, the door opened and he slipped into the shack. Andi shut the door behind him.

Buffy went next, knocking on the door in a pattern that only somewhat resembled the one TJ had used. On the other side of the door, TJ looked over to Andi and raised a questioning eyebrow, and Andi rolled her eyes.

“What’s the password?” Andi asked with a smile and opened the door after Buffy replied, copying TJ’s tone of voice when speaking the words.

Cyrus knocked on the door three times, softly. This time, Andi looked over at TJ with brows raised. TJ cleared his throat, and through a smile, whispered “it’s, uh, ‘Smoke on the Water’, Cyrus.’ just loud enough for the other boy to hear through the door. Andi and Buffy giggled.

“Oh.” Cyrus laughed at himself, and then knocked on the door again, with near-perfect precision. 

“What’s the password?” TJ asked.

“Orange Juice?” Cyrus didn’t sound completely sure. He cleared his throat. “Orange Juice.” he said again, this time in a more authoritative, deep voice. TJ eagerly opened the door and let Cyrus in. The boards in the floor creaked under the weight of the 4 kids. 

“Great. Now that we’re all here, first things first, club rules! Rule number one,” Andi began immediately, holding up one finger, “voting system. Any and all members of The Secret Club must agree to everything. No majority rules, all votes must be anonymous.” 

TJ cleared his throat.

“ _Unani_ mous, Andi.” he whispered quietly, trying to conceal a smile.

“Votes must be unanimous,” Andi repeated, louder, turning a bit red.

“Rule number two, The Secret Club is a sworn _secret_ between all members. No discussing, showing, hinting, or inviting to anyone outside the club without everyone else’s permission.” TJ held up two fingers as he spoke. The two flowed in and out of their turns as if they’d practiced this a hundred times.

“Rule number 3, there are no secrets between members of The Secret Club. Now that you have joined, we have to tell each other everything, no exceptions.” Andi nodded confidently.

“And, that’s all the rules so far, but when we think of more we will update you.” Andi finished, smiling and waving like she was ending a press conference.

Buffy and Cyrus walked, or rather shuffled, around the clubhouse, looking at everything: the pillow fort on the floor, Andi’s crafting table, and TJ’s collection of Marvel action figures. Buffy gravitated towards TJ’s side of the shack, looking at the various toys and posters.

“This stuff is really cool!” she exclaimed, plopping herself down on the mountain of pillows with an audible ‘oof’. Normally, this type of thing would set TJ into a fit. After his father left, he had a few issues with control that made him bossier and commandeering than usual. Though he was aware of it, he found it really hard to regulate when Buffy was there to push his buttons. But just as he was about to complain that she had completely messed up his pillows and that she was going to ruin his Wolverine figure or get fingerprints on his Michael Jordan poster, he felt somebody tug at his sleeve, and the words died in his throat. When he looked back, Cyrus was pointing at the pig with wings hanging from the ceiling and laughing, his other hand cutely scrunched up in front of his face to hide his smile. 

“I get it, it’s like ‘when pigs fly!’ right?” Cyrus said through giggles, and TJ eagerly switched his attention over to him.

“Yeah! It’s my old piggy bank. Andi made wings for it and we hung it on the ceiling. My idea.” he explained, smiling proudly, and Cyrus nodded.

“I wish I had a place like this!” Cyrus said, bewildered. “I can’t have a clubhouse because my mom says our neighborhood has fancy laws… _convenience_ I think she called it? Well, they say that we can’t build anything outside, and if we do it has to be, like, part of our house. So I couldn’t paint anything cool on it anyway.” Cyrus explained and then deflated slightly. 

“Well, this place is yours now too, Cyrus. You can hang out with us whenever you want.” TJ smiled, watching the light return to Cyrus' eyes full-force. Buffy hopped up, dislodging a few pillows. TJ grimaced.

“What about me?” Buffy asked hopefully, still holding Wolverine. TJ sighed quietly. 

“Yes, of course.” he smiled sweetly, and Buffy nodded, seemingly satisfied, before walking over to Andi’s table.

Cyrus sat down in the pillow fort, and TJ joined him while the girls sat sorting through craft supplies. Cyrus smiled and pulled out a small toy from his sweater pocket, showing it to TJ.

“This is Danny the Diplodocus. He’s a sauropod.” Cyrus held Danny out for TJ to look at, his eyes wide with anticipation.

“Wow! What’s a sour-pod?” TJ asked, holding Danny in his hands and examining him like he was some sort of rare, precious jewel.

“They were really big and ate plants.” Cyrus nodded, confident in his information. “They had long necks, like giraffes.” He tapped his own neck and smiled.

If TJ didn’t care at all about dinosaurs before, they were now the most interesting thing in the world to him. He asked countless questions, watching Cyrus get more excited with every answer he gave. They talked about dinosaurs, and then eventually superheroes, the sound of beads rolling across the table interjecting every once in a while.

“I think we should play Cops and Robbers,” Andi said suddenly as if she just had a life-changing epiphany. The bracelets the girls had just started making sat half-finished on the edge of Andi’s desk. Buffy smiled, quickly ducking into the pillow fort to pull a reluctant Cyrus out.

“We want to be the cops!” she yelled, and took off out the door, with Cyrus floundering behind her. Andi looked over at TJ and smiled. She bent down to tighten the pink laces of her shoes, then dashed out the door with TJ following a few seconds later, the door of the shack slamming behind him.

They ran around for what felt like eons before it started to get dark. If TJ slowed his pace slightly to make it easier for Cyrus to catch him, he’d never tell. He didn’t even realize until Buffy and Cyrus left, and he was alone with Andi in the shack, that he didn’t fight with Buffy at all that day. TJ smiled. He didn’t feel the need to, anymore. He also realized, quietly, that he hadn’t thought about his dad, either (well, at least not until that point, and certainly he didn’t miss him at all).

That night, the two best friends cuddled under a mountain of blankets and watched Scooby Doo reruns until they both fell asleep. In the morning, they told each other jokes and tried not to laugh too loud until Cece woke up to make them breakfast.

* * *

It was a particularly balmy day on the baseball field, and TJ had sweat through each layer of his uniform. The game had just ended in a devastating loss for Shadyside, and TJ had been off his game all day. His face was a bright, almost cherry red as the sun beat down on him, sweat beads rolling down his face. A few smug-looking boys from the other team walked up to him, patting him on the back much too hard for his liking.

“Remember, you’re supposed to _hit_ the ball!” The boy got in his face, his condescending tone turning TJ’s expression into a scowl. TJ took a deep breath and walked towards his own teammates, who also seemed to take issue with his poor performance.

“Way to go, Kippen. We lost by a landslide.” One boy rolled his eyes as he packed his things into his bag angrily. TJ didn’t know whether to apologize or to kick him, but his head was pounding and his throat felt like the Sahara because all of the moisture in his body was either pouring down from his forehead or building a wall of tears behind his eyes. 

He walked over to grab his things, tilting his face up so his tears wouldn’t spill, listening to a barrage of sarcastic comments and complaints.

“Star Player TJ Kippen, everybody!”

“Somebody didn’t eat their Wheaties!”

“It’s probably because he doesn’t have a dad to teach him baseball.”

That last comment flipped a switch in TJ, as he launched at the first poor sucker he saw, tearing at his jersey and swiping at his face blindly. It wasn’t even the kid who’d made the comment, but TJ didn’t care. The hot tears spilled down his cheeks. He let out a yell that died in his throat as the coach came to separate them, blowing his whistle rapidly. The coach pulled the other boy away, as a separate pair of arms yanked TJ back. It was CeCe. She was the only one at the game, anyway, as Andi and Buffy were at a birthday party, and his own mother was working. The coach gave a half-hearted reprimand to the team for bullying TJ, but the lack of fire in his tone suggested that he wasn’t any more happy with TJ than the rest of them. He sternly said he would talk to TJ on Monday, and before TJ could even reply, CeCe was all but carrying him off the field towards her car. It was quiet the entire way, and TJ kept a scowl on his face, his eyes narrowing to trap the rest of his tears as he marched beside her.

“You know I am going to have to tell your mother, right?” CeCe asked once they had gotten in the car. TJ kept his scowl but nodded sullenly, wiping his cheeks hard.

“It wasn’t my fault,” TJ said quietly as he slowly turned to face CeCe. She said nothing, but gave him a small look that seemed to say 'you shouldn't have done it, but I get why you did'. 

“Is everything okay?” CeCe asked, starting the car and turning the air conditioning on.

Tears spilled from TJ’s eyes again as he furiously shook his head, and CeCe sighed, feeling TJ’s forehead with the back of her hand. She handed him a water bottle from the backseat before driving back toward their neighborhood, absentmindedly talking about the different things she wanted to make for dinner that week. She kept the AC on full blast until TJ returned to his normal color. He rested his head against the window, listening to CeCe talk about new casserole dishes she wanted to try. She knew how to calm him down better than his own mother at times. She didn’t talk about the game at all, nor did she suggest ways to cheer him up or try to address his anger. She changed the subject completely. TJ knew they would revisit this later, either directly, or indirectly through his own mother (after, of course, CeCe coached her on what to say). TJ’s mother didn’t know how to handle him, how to handle his anger and his issues. Baby Olivia and the twins were too young to have any lasting anger over his dad, and Zack and Amber put on the act of “perfect children”, which left TJ feeling singled out, targeted.

When they arrived in the Mack driveway, TJ gave CeCe a small nod of acknowledgment that was half apologetic, and half a confirmation that he was okay, before grabbing his bag from the car and retreating to Tandi Shack. CeCe had suggested he take a nap before dinner, and despite his usual vehement insistence that naps are for babies, all he wanted to do was curl up in his pillow fort right now and pass out. He set his bag on the small front porch of the shack and opened the door. 

He was surprised to see a pair of guilty looking brown eyes staring back.

Cyrus was sitting at Andi’s craft table, coloring a page ripped out of what looked like a Star Wars coloring book. For a moment, the only sound was of Cyrus’ crayon rolling off the table.

“TJ! Hi, sorry. I know that this is like, yours and Andi’s place, but Andi and Buffy are busy, and it’s my dad’s weekend but he and my stepmom both have clients all day and he lives close by so I just walked over and nobody was here I’m sorry I can leave -” the words spilled out of Cyrus’ mouth like rushing water the second the recognition clicked. He had been a member of The Secret Club for over a year, there certainly was no reason to feel embarrassed about being in the shack alone.

“Stop, it’s fine, I just need to lie down.” TJ interrupted, walking over to his pillow fort. He felt the tears sting behind his eyes again as Cyrus watched him with equal parts worry and fascination. Even if TJ would have cared about Cyrus being here before, he certainly didn’t anymore. He’d had enough anger for one day, and cooling down on the drive home seemed to help slightly. Still, a warm tear rolled down his cheek as he settled into the pillows, sitting upright with his head in his hands.

“You know, you don’t have to leave.” TJ said when he noticed the shorter boy packing his things. Cyrus grabbed his bag and walked towards the door, before turning and walking towards TJ instead. Cyrus didn’t say anything, just sat down next to TJ and wrapped both arms around him, engulfing him in a tight hug.

TJ froze for a moment, but only a moment, before he hugged Cyrus back. 

It was something Cyrus had seen Andi do to TJ tons of times, and TJ reasoned that Cyrus must have remembered and thought it would make him feel better. Surprisingly, it did. They sat for several minutes, Cyrus with his arms wrapped around TJ, TJ quietly telling Cyrus what had happened. Cyrus didn’t tell him what to do, or try to solve it. He just listened.

“I am going to rest my eyes for a while, I think. But, if you want to stay, Andi's mom is making casserole tonight. We can even have our own sleepover while the girls are gone.” TJ smiled sleepily and Cyrus eagerly nodded, agreeing to call and ask his dad later once TJ woke up. TJ curled up into the pillows and drifted off. Cyrus sat right next to him, coloring a new page in his coloring book. 

That night, the boys created a tradition which would carry out for years of being left out of “girls only” sleepovers; a tradition in which they wholeheartedly enjoyed their girl free evening by having their own sleepover, complete with all the “gross” snacks the girls didn’t like, and action movies the girls never wanted to watch with them. Through the years, they would even include video games, pranks on Zack, and reluctantly including TJ’s younger twin brothers when they were old enough.

Tonight, though, was the first in a long line, and helped forge a bond between them that, while yet unparalleled by the bond between Andi and TJ, was certainly the start of something new and wonderful.


	3. Middle School Pt. 1

Andi was gorgeous, that much was certifiably true. She was amazing - kind, talented, sweet, intelligent. She was the perfect person to fall in love with, and many of the other boys at school had already figured that out. TJ seemed to be a little slow on the draw.  


  


Zack had always teased TJ about falling in love with Andi, and when he was younger, TJ might have thought it wasn’t such a bad idea (after all, who wouldn’t want to live with their best friend every day?). It wasn’t until he got a bit older and understood conventional marriage that he realized he really didn’t have those types of feelings for Andi, as much as he would still like to have her around forever. Besides, the tides were changing. With Buffy and Cyrus in the picture, Andi’s attention was divided, and TJ did not seem to mind as much as he thought he would. He joined the basketball team, and immediately took a liking to the sport. Perhaps it was because he felt an immense amount of freedom on the court, or maybe it was because it provided a much-needed distraction from other things in his life.

  


Andi went to every basketball game and cheered him on with flashy signs and elaborate face paint. Even now, with them beginning to run with different crowds, she was always there when he needed her. As hard as his life had become -- and really, who didn’t have a hard life in the 6th grade? -- he knew she would always be just across the fence, ready to listen to him and offer him old Halloween candy. Reliability was always a constant with Andi Mack.

  


Andi and TJ watched scary movies now, instead of Scooby Doo (but maybe, sometimes, TJ asked if they could watch just a few episodes after some particularly scary movies. And maybe they had to walk to the kitchen together and turn on all the lights as they went.) TJ had his few friends, but he didn’t care for spending time with them outside of classes or practice. He spent all his free time with Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus. Andi still remained the shoes to his laces; a perfect, unchanging dynamic. They were still Lennon and McCartney, but even Lennon and McCartney, TJ supposed, still needed a George and Ringo. They had settled into a comfortable dynamic.

  


Then, when Andi turned 13, the Universe sent a devastating blow.

  


Bex was Andi’s mother.

  


Perhaps it was TJ’s sense of invincibility between the two of them that made the news worse. He knew this was about Andi, but he couldn’t help but feel like he’d lost something, too. Of course CeCe was still there, and she still made sure he had after school snacks and did his homework, but as Andi’s view of Cece began to change, so did TJ’s. After all, the Macks were practically his blood family. He was shocked, to say the least. He had always viewed Bex as a big sister, too, and the feeling of loss chipped away at him.

  


He asked his mom one evening when she trudged home from the late shift, and she told him she knew. She sat down with him at the kitchen table, very officially, and calmly explained a few things. She didn't tell TJ much more than he already knew from what Andi told him. It didn’t matter. After all, it wasn’t really TJ’s business, and maybe not knowing all the details would help him cope.

  


After the initial shock, it was all great for a while. Bex was back, and although the dynamic had shifted, he was glad to spend time with her. She showed him the good records at Red Rooster, and taught him how to use hair gel the  _ correct  _ way. She got after Zack for his antics (and Zack, having had a huge crush on Bex since he was a child, always obeyed). TJ always felt a little bit like the favorite when she did that. She always had the best recipes for dessert popcorn, and she let him and Andi watch movies that CeCe said they were too young for. He expected the news to change everything, but was relieved to find out it was all the same, whether she was Andi’s mom or sister. He also knew that his own sister Amber was glad to have Bex around, even if she wouldn’t admit it. Bex was a role model to her, and being the only older girl in the Kippen family, she had always craved a role model, any sort of connection, really.

  


The Universe was always on their side.

* * *

  


TJ and Andi sat together, huddled under their blanket fort on the floor of Tandi Shack. The sun was still setting, but it was dark enough that Andi placed a flashlight between them.

  


“TJ. I have some kind of sad news.” Andi opened, and TJ looked up from his phone. He tilted his head inquisitively, thinking deeply, before he gasped and straightened out.

  


“Don’t tell me Mr. Bubbles died  _ already  _ Andi. You  _ just  _ got him!” he exclaimed, looking very sure of himself that he had cracked the code, and usually he could. This time was different.

  


“No. Actually, he’s doing pretty well for a fish we won at the fair.” Andi said distractedly, looking off to the side. “No, I mean. This is pretty serious stuff, Teej. I don’t even really know how to tell you this.” She looked down at her hands as she nervously picked at the rug underneath them.

  


“I’m moving in with Bex.” Her words hung heavy in the air. TJ just stared at her as his heart slowly sank into his stomach.

  


“She got an apartment. It’s really cool, too. Well, I mean, once we get the electrical work fixed.” she explained. TJ took a deep breath. Andi continued to talk about the apartment, but TJ’s eyes brimmed with tears, and his heart beat so loud that he could hardly hear her.

  


“How far is it?” he asked once he was sure she had stopped talking. He tried to keep his voice level, but it was difficult. He hadn’t cried in front of Andi in a few years, and he wasn’t about to do it now. He blinked hard.

  


“It’s not far, I promise. It’s probably not even a ten minute walk, I swear!” Andi held three fingers up. “Scout’s honor.” TJ nodded, smiling slightly. He waited a few moments before replying.

  


“Well, Tandi Shack can’t move, so I guess you’ll be walking over here all the time.” his voice was a tad bit brighter, now, and Andi nodded vigorously.

  


“Obviously! Do you really think I’d let you have all the fun?” She laughed and he playfully pushed her shoulder.

  


“Of course not. Do Buf and Cyrus know?” TJ got serious again, and Andi shook her head. 

  


“No. But I will tell them. Soon. I just wanted to tell you first.” TJ smiled and wrapped his arms around Andi.

  


“Thanks for telling me, Andi.” TJ replied. His heart still felt like it was sinking, but it was a happy sort of sadness. He knew that Andi would be much happier getting to bond with Bex in this new way, and if that meant he had to sacrifice a bit of time with her, then he would gladly do it. 

  


The Universe would always be on their side.

* * *

For whatever reason, even after 7 years, Buffy still got under TJ’s skin. She was certainly his friend, but he had never bonded with her in the way he bonded with Andi and Cyrus. She was a result of his friendship with the other two, rather than a friend in her own right.

  


Even with the basic bond of half-friendship, TJ did not want her on the team. He had never held an opinion more strongly in his life. She was always there, at movie nights, in Tandi Shack, even after school trips to the Spoon, and each time they seemed to care less and less about his own presence. He didn’t want to feel that way during basketball, too. He could already see it, Andi showing up with signs for Buffy instead of TJ, even though he was team Captain now. So, any chance TJ got, he spat out some idiotic quip to Buffy that made the rest of the team rumble with immature, boyish laughter. It made him feel like he had some semblance of control, but he knew he had completely lost it. He did not want her on the team, but Coach did, and unfortunately for TJ, Coach’s opinion ruled all. TJ was angry. Buffy should have never been allowed to join the team, especially not in place of some of the other male players that had tried out. The last thing TJ wanted was his own team being overrun by girls who, frankly, he had no interest in leading (even if the other players seemed to be thrilled). 

  


He felt this way up until their first big game with Buffy on the team. Andi had brought Cyrus along, explaining that Cyrus was the “lucky charm” that made TJ and Buffy get along. Andi wasn’t entirely wrong, though. Whenever Cyrus was around, TJ felt compelled to be cordial, to let more things slide, so that Cyrus wouldn’t be upset. Seeing Cyrus in the gymnasium made TJ feel like he was 10 feet tall. He could hear a constant humming noise in his head, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the fluorescent lights, or from Cyrus’ blinding smile. Either way, he was buzzing with excitement. TJ played the game hard, even passing to Buffy a few times although he never did in practice, just to see Cyrus light up from the crowd whenever she got the ball.

  


When they won the game, he felt oddly disappointed when only Andi hugged him. He received a reluctant pat on the back from Buffy, but he didn’t miss the gratefulness that flashed behind her eyes.

  


TJ apologized to Buffy a few weeks later -- after Andi confronted him -- bearing his Wolverine figure as a peace offering, a sort of call back to the beginnings of their friendship (even if neither of them really had any interest in Wolverine anymore). Though it wouldn’t fix everything, it was a start, and seeing how close Buffy was to Andi and Cyrus, TJ knew he needed to start somewhere.

  


* * *

The four kids stood on the front steps of Andi’s house as CeCe snapped what was easily a million pictures. TJ wore a nice gray suit. He’d worn it a thousand times, mostly on Friday’s before basketball games when they were required to dress up. It was Zack’s old one, so Amber had hemmed the sleeves of the jacket slightly to better fit his arms, but he looked nice in it. His shirt was a cool, light blue that matched Andi’s dress. Cyrus was wearing a darker suit, with a red shirt and an almost comically large bow tie. His hair was slicked back, but the day was particularly humid, so the hair on top of his head sat unkempt and curling slightly at the ends. He smiled widely, his hands on Buffy’s bare shoulders as she wore a red number that was  _ supposed  _ to match his shirt (which resulted in Buffy explaining to Cyrus the differences between Cardinal red and Crimson red for at least 10 minutes). 

  


They were going to the 8th grade dance -- the final wrap up before the end of the year. Before they all began high school. TJ held a smile on his face as he posed with Andi. They took a few silly pictures, TJ putting Andi on his shoulders. He took a few pictures with Buffy, even jokingly taking a few in which they looked a bit annoyed with each other, although they had grown closer within the last year, especially with Buffy on her own basketball team. That being said, he seemed to be slightly annoyed with the number of pictures she was taking with Cyrus. Annoyance misattributed, but he certainly didn't overlook it. 

  


He also didn't overlook his sweaty palms as Cyrus wrapped an arm around him while CeCe snapped a photo.  


  


TJ had paid Zack to drive them to the dance, just to avoid the embarrassment of CeCe and Ham driving them, and no doubt making a scene about how cute they looked in front of everyone. Zack, of course, didn’t make any effort to clean out his car or make it nice, driving too fast and telling them they needed to be ready to go by 10 when he came back to pick them up. He was graduating high school in just a few weeks, off to college in a few months halfway across the country, and while he would never admit it, TJ knew he’d agreed to drive them not because of the money, but because he was going to miss his little brother. TJ, of course, wouldn’t say anything, and would put on the “my brother is a cool jerk” act, but he knew he would miss Zack as well.

  


When they’d arrived at the dance, TJ also didn’t miss the way his heart jumped when Cyrus pulled him over to the dance floor immediately. The girls had left to find some other friends and do the obligatory parade of dresses, while TJ and Cyrus awkwardly tried to fit into the Cupid Shuffle that was already well into the second verse.

  


8th grade dances are sweaty and awkward, that is just their brand. TJ danced a few slow songs with Andi while Buffy and Cyrus shot them knowing looks. TJ couldn’t explain his overwhelming desire to run up on stage and tell everyone that he didn’t like Andi in that way, but it seemed that everywhere he went, people just assumed. He didn’t want anyone to think that. Not Andi, not Buffy, and certainly not Cyrus. He felt awkward and anxious, and couldn’t shake the feelings away, even after Zack had dropped everyone off and TJ was lying in his own bed. 

* * *

  


The night air was crisp and cool, blowing in through TJ’s window, the curtains billowing into the bedroom. The boys sat on either end of TJ’s bed, playing on their phones. The girls had gone to another sleepover, hosted by some girl in their American history class. It was just days before 8th grade graduation. Cyrus would be leaving for a month-long summer camp in less than a week. TJ wanted to enjoy whatever time they had left, and had invited Cyrus to another traditional “girl free” sleepover. They sat in TJ’s room waiting for Zack to arrive with everyone’s takeout from The Spoon. Olivia would run in and out of TJ’s room periodically, look at Cyrus, and then run out, giggling profusely. Though she was 6 and didn’t really know what crushes were, she had an adorable little crush on Cyrus, and often got bashful around him. The boys thought it was cute, and Cyrus would sometimes try to talk to her, which resulted mostly blushing and more giggling.

  


TJ thought it was a damn shame that his older sister Amber didn’t have a crush on Cyrus, that way Cyrus had a reason to be around more often, but the idea of Cyrus and Amber cuddled up together didn’t sit in his stomach any easier than Cyrus with any other girl. Watching Cyrus interact with his family had always made TJ’s heart feel warm, though. When Zack arrived with the takeout, Cyrus performed tater theater for Olivia (and the twins, who at age 8 mostly just served to be hecklers, although Cyrus didn’t seem to mind). Amber and Cyrus even shared a few inside jokes and Zack had ruffled Cyrus’ hair as he walked past to grab sodas from the refrigerator. TJ couldn’t help the dopey grin that spread across his face. 

  


After dinner, when the kids went to bed, TJ and Cyrus retreated downstairs to the basement to watch movies. With TJ’s mom having yet a few hours left on the night shift, they knew they were free to watch whatever movie they wanted. They settled on a mildly scary, but more-so action-packed apocalypse movie. It was some sort of B film from Amber’s collection of “indie movies”, but seeing as they’d already seen everything else in the house, they watched it without hesitation.

  


TJ watched Cyrus out of the corner of his eye for a moment. The TV cast an orangey glow on his face, and his eyes were wide as saucers as he watched the screen. The TV was old -- one of those big, boxy ones with the curved glass screen. If Andi hadn’t have been gone, they might have opted to hop the fence and watch movies on Andi’s 70-inch flat screen. They didn’t seem to care though, sitting close to the small screen as they shared a blanket.

  


During the scene, the volcano erupted in a surprising, firey spit. Cyrus jumped and lightly moved his hand on top of Tj’s. He didn’t make any moves to grab his hand, just simply rested his fingers over the back of TJ’s hand where it rested on the floor under the blanket. He didn’t move his hand, and TJ couldn’t help but wonder if he was even aware they were touching at the moment. TJ should move his hand, he knew he should. It would be weird not to. He turned rigid and didn’t move a muscle in his body. It was only after a few moments, when Cyrus realized, and moved his hand away. 

  


“Everything okay, Teej?” Cyrus asked with mild concern.

  


“Oh yeah, this movie is just freaky… I mean.. Did you even see how big that wave was?” TJ replied unconvincingly. Cyrus just nodded and laughed.

  


TJ felt dizzy. 

  


The boys leaned against the back of the couch, and TJ moved his arm to rest against the top of the cushions behind Cyrus. His heart was beating fast, surely from the movie, although he didn’t want to acknowledge that he had hardly paid it any attention in the last 20 minutes. 

  


As the final credits rolled, Cyrus leaned closer and placed his hand on TJ’s chest. TJ’s heart nearly burst out, and then Cyrus pushed at his chest to give himself leverage to get to his feet which were previously tucked underneath him. TJ cleared his throat to hide the small gasp at the contact.

  


“I am going to head to the bathroom quick, you should put on another movie, something a bit less end-of-the-world-y” Cyrus smiled and made his way over to the stairs. TJ half-heartedly nodded as Cyrus climbed the stairs, then pretended to look for DVD’s until Cyrus could no longer see him. He collapsed onto his back and placed a hand over his wildly beating heart. A half-smile appeared on his face for less than a second, before anxious feelings began to creep in, his heart racing even faster beneath his fingertips. He stayed like that for a few moments, until he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and immediately sat up, feeling overwhelmed as he busied himself with looking for a DVD.

  


“Hey, Teej. Mind if we crash your party?”

  


It was Andi and Buffy. TJ had never felt so simultaneously disappointed and relieved to see them. He turned to look at Andi, and worry flashed across her face for a second, recognizing his anxious demeanor. 

  


“Is everything okay, Teej?” she asked softly, and TJ nodded almost too quickly in response.

  


“Everything is fine, for sure. We just watched a pretty scary movie. Gonna watch something a little less terrifying now, you’re welcome to stay.” TJ nodded, avoiding eye contact.

  


“We? Is -” Buffy began to ask, before her question was answered by Cyrus bounding down the stairs again with a bag of chips. 

  


“Hey ladies! What are you doing back, I thought Katie’s sleepover was tonight?” he sat back down next to TJ in their previous close proximity, and TJ swallowed thickly. The girls moved to sit down on either side of the boys, their eyes wide and lips pursed, showing they were about to say something urgent.

  


“Right! So, get this, we were there, playing truth or dare, and Katie’s older sister, you know, Sam? She goes to school with Zack. Anyways, she had just come back from a party. A college party. It was bad. She got mad sick, like, everywhere. Katie was mortified, and her mom called everybody’s moms to come pick them up. We just ended up walking back here, wanted to see what TJ was up to…” Andi rambled on, sitting opposite Cyrus on the other side of TJ. TJ tried to listen, but her voice faded out, drowned out by his own heartbeat. His arm was pressed against Cyrus’ as the two girls regaled the tale of Sam’s drunken mess, leaning in close and pressing the boys together in the middle. 

  


“Actually, though, I think truth or dare sounds kind of fun, don’t you think? Should we play a round before picking another movie?” Cyrus suggested, wiping off the chip crumbs from his hands onto his sweatpants and leaning forward in anticipation. Cyrus was wearing one of TJ’s shirts after Olivia had gotten ketchup on his own shirt at dinner. Something that TJ would have ordinarily thought nothing about now caught his breath in his throat every time he looked over. The shirt was a little large on him and if he tugged it over it would very nearly hang off the edge of his bony, freckled shoulder. Cyrus looked happy with himself as they arranged the basement to play truth or dare, a soft smile on his lips.

  


“Cyrus! Truth or dare?” Andi began, wiggling her eyebrows mischievously. 

  


“Truth.” Cyrus said immediately. 

  


“Surprise surprise.” Buffy laughed, and Andi hit her lightly on the arm, rolling her eyes. 

  


“Okay. Um… If you could eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Andi asked after a brief hesitation, and Buffy groaned. 

  


“That’s too easy, baby taters. Next question.” Cyrus replied in mock annoyance. TJ smiled, he knew Cyrus would say that. 

  


“Okay, my turn. Buffy, truth or dare?” Cyrus asked, pointing to Buffy.

  


“Dare!” she smiled.

  


“Surprise surprise!” TJ mocked her comment from before and Andi laughed, falling back towards TJ’s chest. She remained there for a moment, and Buffy raised her eyebrows at him until TJ lightly pushed her off (and maybe even inched a little bit away).

  


“Okay, I dare you to call Principle Metcalf and tell him you’re in jail.” Cyrus offered, and the other three stared at him, wide-eyed.

  


“How about something that won’t prevent me from walking at graduation on Monday?” Buffy rolled her eyes, though her impressed expression was not lost on Cyrus. 

  


“Okay, fine. I dare you to call Marty and tell him you got held back a year.” Cyrus shrugged as if it was easy for him, even though they all knew dares weren't Cyrus' forte -- making or doing them. Buffy sighed reluctantly and TJ nudged her phone over to her with his foot. She stuck a tongue out at him as she dialed Marty’s number. 

  


After she hung up, tears in her eyes from laughing so hard, she turned pointedly to TJ. She seemed to be certain, and he felt his anxiety rise into his underarms again. 

  


“TJ, truth or dare!” she asked, leaning back on her palms. TJ mulled it over for a moment. He wondered if any dare Buffy had would include Andi, and thought twice. She seemed to be convinced that he and Andi had feelings.

  


“Truth.” he said finally, and Buffy looked slightly disappointed, which calmed TJ down significantly. 

  


“Okay, fine. Do you have a crush on anybody?” she asked in a knowing tone, her voice rising in inflection. TJ froze. Of course he didn’t have a crush on anybody, and most certainly not Andi. If he told the truth, if he denied it, Buffy would give him a knowing smile with a sort of ‘sure you don’t’ connotation. Worse yet, Cyrus would pick up on it, look between TJ and Andi (who was already resting her head on his shoulder), and give them the same, wonderful ‘I am happy for you’ smile he gives everyone. But he didn’t need Cyrus to be happy for him. He needed people to know he did not, at all, have a crush. On anyone. Especially not Andi. 

  


TJ thought for one more moment, before leaning forward as Andi sat back. He placed his hand softly on the side of Buffy’s face, and in a sickeningly sweet voice, replied “yeah, you.” Buffy’s eyes went comically wide for a millisecond before she swatted TJ’s hand away from her face. 

  


“Ha ha.” she replied in a monotone voice. “Next time just say no, creep.”

  


“Next time, don’t ask stupid questions, weirdo.” he replied as he leaned back again.

  


The rest of the night held an almost silence from TJ as the group joked and laughed and watched movies. He had so many emotions coursing through him: fear, confusion, hope, happiness. This was the first time the shorter boy had caused TJ’s stomach to erupt into butterflies, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, that much he knew.


	4. Middle School Pt. 2

The month without Cyrus, while he was away at camp, was tough, but it had given TJ plenty to think about. He thought about the way he felt about Cyrus and the way he felt when he was near, all the heart beating and the sweaty palms. He reasoned that he was likely just misinterpreting things, and knew that he would find a better answer once Cyrus returned to Shadyside.

Buffy, however, did not stop trying to get TJ to admit whatever she thought he needed to. She watched him with a sort of curiosity, like that of a scientist in natural observation. If TJ didn’t know any better, he would think she was taking behavioral notes. He didn’t want to distance himself from Andi, but between Buffy’s insistence, and Zack’s constant badgering about getting a girlfriend, he felt suffocated. He’d hardly talked to the girls since Cyrus had left.

Today was the first day he’d seen both of them together. They were sat at a table in The Spoon, talking and joking like normal, though Buffy’s eyes burned into TJ’s side where Andi had grabbed onto his arm. The table was sticky and covered in salt -- a sort of specialty here at The Spoon. Cyrus had texted them that morning. He was coming home from camp today and had explicitly told them to reserve a table and not a booth, and so they did exactly that, the girls excitedly talking about whether that meant Cyrus was bringing somebody with him. Although the thought did not make TJ any less anxious, he was excited to see Cyrus again, if only to put these misinterpreted feelings to rest. Then he could stop feeling weird around everybody, and it would all go back to normal. He took a sugar packet from the container on the table and ripped it open, pouring it into his lemonade. He nervously stirred the icy beverage with his paper straw while he stared ahead. Every time the bell on the door rang, he craned his neck to look over his shoulder and tried to ignore the disappointed feeling when it turned out not to be Cyrus. 

Eventually, Cyrus did show up, and as soon as TJ saw his face, he felt like he had just come up from underwater. Cyrus walked through the door with a wide smile on his face as Andi and Buffy ran up to hug him, their chairs squeaking behind them as they rushed from the table. Behind him stood a girl, quite a few inches shorter, with long brown hair and impossibly long eyelashes. TJ felt his throat seize up.

“Before we get too far this morning,” Cyrus began, pulling the girl closer to the table, “I wanted to introduce everyone to Iris, my girlfriend!” he beamed proudly, and Iris stood beside him, smiling sweetly. 

TJ felt his stomach drop, both at the prospect of Cyrus having a girlfriend and at the sudden realization that he was jealous about it. Because he liked Cyrus.

TJ leaned forward and hovered above his seat, holding out a shaky hand to Iris, who politely reached out and squeezed it, saying “nice to meet you”. TJ nodded curtly and fell back into his chair with an unenthusiastic thud. 

“Tell us everything!” Andi exclaimed, looking at the couple, eyes bouncing from one to the other with excitement. 

“Well, we met when we were on the same kayaking team.” Iris smiled, looking at Cyrus as if it was some forbidden story she couldn't give too many details about.

“Yeah, she’s in the next year, she goes to Grant, so we will all be going to school together. _And_ she likes to talk about dinosaurs.” Cyrus was holding her hand softly, and TJ felt his eyes burning. He couldn't look away.

He smiled and talked cordially with all three girls as best he could and asked Cyrus about non-Iris related camp happenings. As they left The Spoon, Cyrus went to walk Iris home, while the girls departed the other direction with TJ in tow.

“They are a match made in heaven.” Andi gushed once they got far enough down the sidewalk, and Buffy giggled.

“Right? I don’t think there is anyone more perfect for Cyrus. I mean, did you see when they hugged, they fit together so well!” she smiled dreamily and looked up at TJ expectantly. 

“Well. Aren’t you going to say something? You’ve hardly said a word all night, Teej.” Buffy made a face which was indistinguishable between worry and irritation. TJ shrugged and continued walking, eventually telling the girls he simply “didn’t feel the best” when they kept bothering him.

The next few weeks of summer were torturous. Iris and Cyrus were a package deal. TJ hadn’t been able to catch Cyrus alone, and whenever he did see him, his stomach bubbled with butterflies and heartbreak. Iris was perfect. She was exactly what Cyrus deserved, kind and beautiful. TJ wanted to be happy for them, and Cyrus wanted for TJ to be friends with Iris, but it was difficult. He found it difficult to talk to her, and often only responded when addressed, left early when she was around, and actively avoided having the group at his house. It was a tragedy, really. Just when TJ had finally figured out what he had felt, the Universe decided to teach him a lesson instead. He supposed he was still trying to figure out that lesson. 

* * *

TJ sat on the Mack couch in the basement, halfheartedly laughing at whatever comedian he and Andi had been watching. It had been a while since he had been able to hang out with her alone, and it was nice. Her basement hadn’t changed a bit since they were younger, save for the larger TV and new coffee table. Everything else remained as almost an exact preserved record. The old green couch, the wallpaper on the far wall by the window that began to peel at the base, the popcorn ceiling, the old closet door that held all the board games that never truly shut all the way. It was familiar, natural. He felt like he was 8 years old again, cuddling with Andi under a blanket while they watched whatever would make them laugh the hardest. Even the dull ache in his chest was still there, but this was a new ache, not the one left by the aftermath of his father. 

Andi rested her head on TJ’s chest while he placed his chin on the top of her head. He was happy and grateful for quiet moments like these. It had been so long since she’d been here, at her old house, that it almost didn’t feel like her house anymore, at least, not to TJ. He hung out at her apartment every once in a while, but surprisingly Bex seemed to be more strict about things when he went over (and certainly cuddling under blankets would be filed under Bowie’s “Absolutely Not” list, along with closing the door less than about a foot). CeCe seemed to be a little less controlling. Perhaps she knew TJ’s intentions, or that she just had a soft spot for the boy (which she always had). Either way, she allowed Bex to be in charge of her own parenting and thus the Mack house next door was the only place the pair could truly feel normal, without Bowie or Buffy’s observing eyes. 

“Remember when we played truth or dare at your house?” Andi opened, turning the TV down one too many notches. TJ hummed in acknowledgment.

“Do you really have a crush on Buffy?” Andi asked, sounding hesitant. Her words felt too loud in the quiet basement.

“Oh my god, no, Andi. I don’t. That was totally a joke.” TJ defended. 

“Well, you act weird around her. When we’re all together, I mean. You push me away and you act awkward and you just seem, distant I guess.” TJ could hear a slight edge to her voice.

“I promise, I don’t have a crush on her. She is convinced I have a crush on _you_ , and won’t stop badgering me about it is all. I'm just tired of her saying things.” TJ shrugged, and Andi let out an incredulous snort.

“Why does she think that?”

“Lord knows. She always has.” TJ sighed exasperatedly.

“Well, what is the answer to that question, then?” Andi turned slightly so her chin was closer to TJ’s chest, looking at him directly.

“What question?” TJ played dumb. He knew exactly what she was asking about, and he only hoped she couldn’t feel the way his heart was nearly breaking through his rib cage.  


“Do you have a _crush on somebody_?” Andi asked louder, enunciating her words in a way that seemed to punch TJ in the gut with each one.

“No.” TJ answered too quickly, avoiding eye contact although it wasn't too difficult in the darkness of the room.

“I know you, Teej, and that’s a bald-faced lie.” Andi seemed slightly annoyed.

“Andi, it doesn’t matter.”

“Well, it matters to me. Secret Club rules state we need to tell each other everything. I tell you about all my crushes.” TJ could feel her pouting.

“So, Jonah Beck. And that Walker guy from Cy’s bar mitzvah.” TJ offered, though his heart clenched at the mention of Cyrus’ name. Talking about him, here in the dark, he could get too carried away. He bit his tongue. 

“You seriously won’t tell me who she is?” Andi pleaded, sitting up to face TJ.

“Andi. I’m..” TJ paused for a moment, contemplating, “tired.” he settled. “Can we go to bed and maybe talk about it in the morning?” His heart continued to race. He had almost said it. One more word. One small word. Three letters and he would have done it. He didn't know whether to be relieved or regretful.

“Yeah, I suppose. Goodnight, Teej.” Andi leaned over to shut off the TV with the remote, the room going from a blue hue to pure darkness. She sounded irritated, but TJ knew she was understanding, judging by the way she reached over to squeeze his hand before settling into her corner of the couch.

TJ sighed and settled down into the couch and curled up on the other side, drifting into a restless sleep.

* * *

  


Surprisingly, Iris had barely lasted the summer. And for all the heart eyes and pet names and cute nose kisses (that made TJ boil on the inside from their sickly sweetness), Cyrus hardly seemed too upset by the ordeal. TJ supposed they had ended amicably, but it was never made clear why exactly they had decided to end it. TJ found it difficult to pretend this wasn't exactly what he’d been hoping for since the moment Cyrus had met Iris. She stopped coming around, Cyrus stopped talking about her, Cyrus spent time with TJ to fill the empty, Iris-shaped void in his life. 

The two reverted back to their comfortable, natural rhythm. Sitting too close, talking too much, staring longer than was ever actually needed. Action movies in the basement turned to trips to the theater, TJ reaching for the popcorn at the same time just to feel Cyrus' hand brush against his own for a fleeting moment. It turned into TJ being part of D&D campaigns he had no interest in, and going to museums he had no idea about, just to watch the boy smile like there was never anything wrong with the world. They went back to inside jokes and casual touches. Everything TJ had missed in those months of Iris. He missed seeing Cyrus' eyes when they weren't looking at her - one could almost forget how beautiful they could actually be. He liked being the reason for Cyrus' smile, even the little side-smirks that Cyrus never thought anybody had noticed. TJ always did, sometimes even found himself counting the occurrences as if he were collecting data. Everything was in balance.

It was perfect, or, at least, as perfect as it could be. They entered high school the way they needed to; unbound and ready to face the world. Except maybe TJ wasn’t quite as ready as he wanted to be, but that was okay, because he knew he would get there someday. 


	5. High School

“Merry Christmas!” Andi yelled excitedly, jumping on TJ, who was currently burrowed in his bed covers, a blanket draped over his face to block out the light from the window where Andi had torn open the curtains. The snow was drifting down slowly, creating a fresh blanket over the weeks of icy slush. It was almost picture-perfect.

It wasn’t actually Christmas, but it was close enough for Andi, who knelt at the edge of TJ’s bed, sweater, hat and all. He sat up slightly, resting on the back of his forearm, and rolled his eyes at her.

“Who let you in here, you creep?” He asked, though his voice was a blend of sleep and fondness. Gentle. 

He heard, more than saw, Olivia laugh and walk away from his bedroom door. 

“Yeah, your security isn’t that great, Teej. Has gotten more expensive, though. She no longer accepts candy and one-dollar bills. I had to give her my Two Door Cinema Club record.” Andi shrugged and slid off the edge of the bed to her feet, holding out a hand to TJ, who groaned. "It's okay, though, she took the one that skips."

“Cheeky little shits,” he grumbled, barely hiding a smile, as he took Andi’s hand. She heaved him out of bed, his covers falling to the floor. 

“Any particular reason you are getting me up at the ass-crack of dawn 3 days before _actual_ Christmas?” TJ asked as if this was something Andi hadn’t done before. It was routine. She got over-excited about Christmas, she projected it onto TJ “Scrooge” Kippen, he pretended to hate it (and secretly loved it). She clapped her hands together and smiled. 

“First of all, it’s 10 am. Second of all, they are having a Christmas sale at Benny’s in the mall and I was thinking we should go get your gifts for Cyrus and Buffy!” Her smile matched her eyes with the wattage of a Broadway marquee. TJ put his hands on his hips.

“What makes you think I haven’t already gotten them their gifts?” TJ leaned forward slightly. Andi rolled her eyes.

“Because it’s _you,_ and I have always had to make you do everything.” her tone of voice sounded incredibly like CeCe's. She walked to the other side of him with a few turns of her feet and pushed him towards his dresser. 

“Go! Get dressed! The sale starts at 11! I’ll be downstairs waiting!” Andi scurried out of his room and ran down the stairs, her socked feet barely making noise. 

They stood in line outside the door of Benny’s, Andi chatting a mile a minute, while TJ stared forward, willing himself to stay awake by listening to the music from the main speakers competing with the music from the sandwich shop behind them. His hair was sticking up, and his face was still red from where it rested on his pillow less than an hour earlier. He hadn’t thought about what to get Buffy and Cyrus. This was the first year they were getting each other real, out-of-their-own-pocket, God’s honest Christmas gifts. TJ had never been the best gift-giver, but it hadn’t really, truly bothered him until now. With just minutes until the doors opened, TJ mentally walked through Benny’s, thinking about what he was going to get Cyrus - which aisles to avoid and which aisles he could probably get away with going to under the ruse of “clueless straight guy buying people presents”. He hoped if he floundered hopelessly enough, Andi would help him and convince everyone it was all his doing. 

When the doors finally opened, TJ walked aimlessly with Andi throwing out helpful suggestions along the way. Mugs were too impersonal, but stuffed animals and personalized jewelry - that was too much. TJ wanted a gift that showed he was thoughtful, without opening some sort of window into his thoughts and feelings for the other boy.

With all the thoughts circling around his head, he nearly forgot he needed to get Buffy a gift as well, until Andi shoved a thermal water bottle in his face, exclaiming “Isn’t it perfect! It’s her favorite color!” TJ just nodded and smiled, taking it from her hands and putting it into the basket.

TJ already had Andi’s gift. She was possibly the one exception to the “bad gift giver” title. He always knew what to get her, like she was in his mind somehow. He found a gorgeous, vintage winter coat at a flea market months ago. It was deep red, with a velvety interior, and he knew it would fit her perfectly. It had been sitting in his closet so long, he almost worried he’d forget that he bought it and get her a second gift. 

He didn’t understand why it was so hard, then, to find a gift for Cyrus. Surely he loved and cared about him as much as he did Andi. Maybe he hadn’t known Cyrus quite as long, but he didn’t get why nothing stuck out to him.

He was able to find a record cleaner and a set of pens. Andi seemed sure and sent him up to the register while she hopped across the way to the Pretzel shop. As TJ stood in line, each transaction seemed to take longer than the last. He looked to the kiosks on the counter by the register, eyeing the keychain display. Then it hit him.

Matching keychains. Silver dinosaurs. Diplodocus (or, at least, what he could assume was Diplodocus). Two of them to be exact, with magnets at the head and chest with necks bent to form a heart when stuck together. TJ stared at the keychains, his heart pumping out some sort of unsure rhythm as his hands wrung at the handles of his basket. 

The woman at the counter cleared her throat, and TJ’s eyes snapped up. He stepped forward to the counter, and without thinking, put the dinosaur keychains into his basket at the last second as she began to ring him up.

When the two arrived back at the Kippen house, with hot Cinnamon sugar pretzels in hand, Amber ran out to greet them.

Amber had just returned from her first semester at college, her once long, blonde hair now sitting cropped above her shoulders. She smiled happily as she engulfed them both into a bone-crushing hug, one in each arm.

“I missed you guys!” she sighed. TJ smiled slightly. As much as they bickered, he missed her as well. Eventually, he nudged her, to make her release the two, as the weight of their shopping bags pulled at their arms.

“Oh, sorry!” she laughed as she released them and backed up, the three walking into the house. TJ set his shopping bags down next to Andi’s on the kitchen table, his hand reaching down discreetly to ensure the keychains were safely in his back pocket. He quickly bounded up the stairs to put his coat in his room and hid the keychains on his bookshelf.

“Hey, little turd!” TJ stopped at the base of the stairs as he came back down, looking up to find Zack. He hugged his older brother as Zack ruffled his hair. TJ rolled his eyes but kept a smile on his face.

Andi spent the day with the Kippens, mostly catching up with Amber. After she had gone home, TJ sat on the couch with his siblings, with a weird feeling of nostalgia settling deep within his bones.

It had been a while since fate had found all the Kippen children under one roof. Zack, being almost halfway across the country, really only showed up at Christmas, and Amber, though much closer, was entirely too busy to even stop by for Thanksgiving. TJ, oddly enough, had missed being in the middle, rather than the oldest. He felt less responsible. He felt like he could breathe again.

The kids knew their mother wouldn’t be home for a few more hours, working extra to pad the budget for Christmas gifts like she did every year. With Zack and Amber in town and mostly full-grown adults, they did not need CeCe to come in and check on them. It almost felt liberating. In a scary “I’m becoming an adult” type of way.

Eventually, the younger kids went to bed, leaving Amber, Zack, and TJ standing in the kitchen, chatting about nothing like it was everything. The two told TJ all about college, and their classes and new friends. TJ told them briefly about high school, though there wasn’t anything new about sophomore year that wasn’t there freshman year. Amber got three mugs down from the cabinet and began pouring a generous amount of egg nog into each one. Zack looked at her quickly.

“Wait! Leave some room in the mugs at the top, okay?” Zack smiled and Amber nodded, dialing back her pouring. Zack walked over to the liquor cabinet and procured a bottle of whiskey. 

The whiskey probably hadn’t been touched since their father had literally walked out of their house and their lives. TJ felt a little sick even looking at it. Zack walked back over to the counter and began pouring into each glass in little spurts. It was as if it were an exact science, and he was measuring chemicals going into beakers, crouching down to view the mugs at eye level.

Amber smiled knowingly. Surely she was no stranger to a bit of alcohol after her first semester of college. The two of them eagerly grabbed their mugs, taking generous sips while looking at TJ expectantly.

“Come on, it won’t bite. Only a little.” Zack jostled his shoulder a bit, and Amber laughed.

“Zack, I don’t really think I should.” TJ shook his head, holding the cold mug in between his hands like it was some sort of poison.

“Dude, seriously, don’t be such a faggot. Just drink it.” Zack pushed the mug towards TJ, who hadn’t realized he’d been holding it away from him. TJ’s stomach clenched at his brother’s words. Two beats. One second. A flash of insecurity and discomfort crossed his face as he caught Amber's eye. Just like that, the second was over, and TJ was gulping down his eggnog as his brother and sister cheered. He didn't want to smile, didn't feel like it, but he did it anyway.

“I heard your friend... what’s his name, the one that Olivia used to be in love with?” Zack began, and TJ felt his stomach burn. He wasn’t sure if it was Zack’s words or the whiskey. Probably both.

“Cyrus.” TJ’s voice supplied, though TJ didn’t remember willingly vocalizing.

“Yeah, I heard he’s gay now.” Zack swished the liquid in his mug around with his hand while he talked. Amber looked at him, almost as a warning, but it quickly melted as she raised her mug to her lips again, eyebrows up like she was curious what would happen next.

“Yes. He is.” TJ replied, doing his best to be nonchalant. It was true. Cyrus had come out to them almost a year before, halfway through their freshman year. TJ had remembered feeling both relieved and terrified. Nothing else had made him want to simultaneously thank the heavens and disappear more. He was almost jealous of Cyrus, for being able to be so comfortable with himself. TJ always wondered why he could never seem to find that same confidence. 

“Better hope that shit isn’t contagious, huh?” Zack laughed and nudged TJ with his elbow, entirely too hard. This. This was why TJ could never find the confidence. 

Deep down, TJ knew his brother would accept him. Zack had always been there for him, albeit a bit begrudgingly, and would never hate him, no matter what. He knew this, and yet the thought of telling his big brother everything burned him inside even worse than the taste of the alcohol burning his nose. He waited until Zack and Amber were looking towards each other, and quietly spilled most of his drink down the drain while he leaned against the counter.

“Guys, I think I’m going to hit the hay, Andi woke me up early and I’m kind of exhausted.” He set his mug on the counter and started up the stairs, paying no attention to his older siblings below as he ascended to his bedroom.

He looked at his dinosaurs on his bookshelf. One day, he would be brave enough, not only to tell everyone he liked boys, but that he liked one boy in particular. One with deep, honey-gold eyes and soft curly hair and the very smile everyone talked about being worth a thousand words. He would be brave enough to tell his brother off for making rude comments and not be ashamed to gush to his sisters about the very boy that made him feel invincible. But today was far from that day.

* * *

“It’s my favorite color, too! Thanks, Teej. I’ve always wanted one of these.” Buffy smiled sweetly as she held her water bottle out in front of her, examining it. It was a genuine smile, and TJ was thankful that Andi had picked out the gift for him. 

“Okay, you next, Andi!” TJ said excitedly, pushing his carefully (though not well) wrapped gift toward his friend. She smiled and tugged at the bow on the top, pulling the lid of the box off the bottom, revealing the coat in all its velvety glory.

“TJ! This is, literally, amazing. Where did you even _find_ this?” Andi stood up immediately, slipping the coat around her small frame. TJ was right - it fit her like a glove. 

“Remember that flea market we went to a few months ago when we were looking for Halloween costumes? And I said I wasn’t feeling well and needed to go to the car for a bit?” TJ asked, his voice rising as he wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Seriously? You’ve had it that long?” Andi twirled in the coat and then took a step toward TJ as the boy nodded, holding his arms up from where he sat on the floor. Andi sat down on top of him and hugged him tightly, smiling widely. 

“This is literally the best gift I’ve ever gotten in my life. Thank you!” Andi thanked him, rapid words muffled into the collar of the coat around her neck as she buried her face into TJ’s shoulder. Buffy raised an eyebrow when TJ looked up at her. She smirked. Cyrus looked over at them too, looking wistful, with a hint of something else TJ couldn’t quite pinpoint. TJ softly pushed Andi off his lap, and Andi scurried back to her seat by Buffy on the floor. 

“Okay. Saving the best for last!” TJ smiled, handing Cyrus the small bag. Cyrus graciously took it from him, and carefully tore off the tape at the middle securing the two edges of the bag together. 

“Pens! My favorite brand,” Cyrus said as he pulled the pens out of the bag, looking at TJ in a friendly ‘how did you know’ sort of way. “And… a record cleaner!” Cyrus said, and the fake enthusiasm was palpable. “Thanks, Teej. This was really thoughtful! I love it.” Cyrus smiled genuinely, and TJ felt something in his heart unlock. Cyrus lifted his arms up, and TJ’s heart skipped a beat, before Cyrus clapped TJ on the shoulders, a sort of ‘manly’ friend thank you that shoved TJ directly into the role of ‘bro’, which is where he knew he needed to be, but where he didn’t exactly want to be. 

TJ's "official" favorite gift was the WWII history novel gifted to him by Andi, but he couldn't stop the sparkle in his eyes the rest of the night after he had opened his gift from Cyrus. A gift to him. From Cyrus. Before he had even opened it, he knew he would treasure it more than anything he'd ever had before, simply because Cyrus had thought of him, and had purchased something he thought would make him happy. He had gotten him a pair of mittens and a small flag that said "Saturdays are for the Boys". TJ's heart swelled. Cyrus had remembered that TJ had lost his mittens after a basketball game last month, and they often joked around that the awful "Saturdays" saying was their motto when the girls were away. TJ couldn't help but feel elated at the thought of Cyrus also treasuring their alone time together. He had immediately slipped the mittens onto his hands. They were too red a bit scratchy -- the most perfect mittens he'd ever worn. He had to stop himself from cuddling into Cyrus when they hugged afterward.

After the small gift-opening ceremony, the group trekked from TJ's living room over to the Mack backyard to make s'mores in the fire pit. TJ sat, wrapped in his favorite blanket, mittens still on, listening to Andi and Buffy argue over the proper way to cook a marshmallow. He kicked his feet softly in the snow beneath his chair. Cyrus sat almost across from him on the other side of the fire, the soft orange glow highlighting his features. It took all of TJ’s willpower not to stare at him. TJ thought back to Cyrus’ obviously fake reaction to the gift, and then to the keychains. His heart raced under the heel of his palm where it rested on his chest, holding his blanket against his body.

TJ looked over to Cyrus again, and the other boy was looking right back. TJ slowly stood up and walked over to the sliding door, motioning for Cyrus to follow him. He called out to the girls that they would be right back, promising to make hot chocolate. 

“Okay, so where are the mugs?” Cyrus asked once they had gotten inside.

“Oh, we will worry about that in a second.” TJ said, sounding only minimally sure of himself. Cyrus looked up at him, puzzled. 

“I - I forgot part of your gift, actually.” TJ smiled, removing a mitten and sticking his hand into his back pocket, where the keychains were. He had put them in his pocket that morning, only hoping he would find the courage to give Cyrus the gift. And, well, he guessed he found it somehow. He looked at the boy in front of him, who stared back with pleading yet fascinated eyes. TJ would stand here all night, just like this, if it meant he could stare at Cyrus making this face. Eventually, Cyrus’ eyebrows quirked up into a confused expression, and it was only then that TJ noticed he’d been leaning in slightly, not saying a word. With his hand still in his back pocket, he used his thumb to quickly separate the keychains, holding his hand out to give Cyrus only one of the dinosaurs. 

“It’s a diplodocus. Like Danny. I think. I know how sad you were when you lost him. This is like, a grown-up version.” TJ smiled proudly and tried to hide the shiver when Cyrus’ fingers brushed his hand to grab the gift. When he was brave enough to look back over at Cyrus, the boy was beaming, and TJ felt like a Christmas tree that was just plugged in.

“TJ. This is absolutely amazing. I can’t believe you remembered that.” Cyrus smiled fondly, and TJ couldn’t help but match it. 

“I’m glad you like it," the boy nodded, and Cyrus proudly held up the keychain and kissed it, before sticking it around his belt loop. "It's also magnetic." TJ's smile faltered slightly, 

“I'll be careful not to get stuck to the fridge, then.” Cyrus laughed as he walked farther into the kitchen, grabbing the can of hot chocolate mix on the far counter.

“Good, 'cause I'd probably just leave you there.” TJ laughed, grabbing 4 mugs from the cabinets above them. Cyrus walked under him, already placing the open can onto the counter. He fit perfectly under TJ's arm, and if TJ had once less ounce of self-control, he would have grabbed the boy and kissed him. But he just looked down at the keychain and smiled.

And if TJ went to bed that night, clutching his half of the keychain between his fingers, nobody needed to know.

It was only so fitting, the circumstance. Cyrus had half of TJ’s dinosaur heart and all of TJ’s real heart, and he didn’t know he had either one. 

* * *

"You literally cannot even tell, okay. So just deal with it." Andi huffed as she arranged the candles on TJ's birthday cake. Well, 15 candles and one dry noodle, to be exact. 

"That's not the problem. I don't want to be eating burnt noodle cake." TJ whined, pointing to the uncooked pasta Andi was currently trying to set flame to. His voice carried lightly, though, and the humor in his eyes shone brightly. Andi shook her head, a slight smirk on her face. 

"No no NO! You are turning _SIXTEEN,_ TJ, not fifteen. You won't let me throw you an extravagant party, so the least you can do is blow out the right amount of tiny little fires. It's not my fault they only sell these in packs of 5." Andi said exasperatedly. She had successfully lit the noodle, along with the rest of the candles. The cake was white, with a big basketball in the middle. It read "Happy Birthday Thomas. Just kidding, put T.J he hates being called Thomas." TJ had the sneaking suspicion Andi had specifically asked them to write that, but it's not like he cared. He hated being called Thomas, sure, it was his dad's name, but it was so much sweeter written in buttercream.

Buffy looked between the two during the exchange, her same knowing smile plastered onto her face. It had been 8 years of it, TJ knew it by heart.

"Happy Birthday to you!" Cyrus walked out of the kitchen with a small "Happy Birthday" banner in his hands as he began singing to TJ. The girls joined in, and gathered around Buffy's dining room table, serenading TJ in a high falsetto as he sat at the head of the table, in front of the noodle cake.

TJ blew out the candles in the midst of laughter as Andi and Buffy put on silly faces to distract him. A tradition. Distract from the birthday wish, they always said. But TJ knew exactly what, or who, he was wishing for. No need to even think. The same birthday wish he'd had for 3 years.

Cyrus took a step forward, wrapping his arms around TJ and practically draping himself across the boy's back. TJ could help the flush of his cheeks. He knew nothing was meant by this, but it was almost as if his wish had an immediate result. 

"What'dya wish for, Teej?" Cyrus asked in a sweet, persuasive voice. He could feel Cyrus' eyelashes flutter against his temple when the other blinked. TJ blushed and shook his head, looking up into his favorite eyes.

"Well, if I told you, it wouldn't come true, now would it?" TJ made a 'tsk tsk' sound as he slightly shook his head. Cyrus' arms were still wrapped around him, and TJ kept a hand lightly on Cyrus' wrist. It physically pained TJ to stop himself from reaching up farther and pulling the sweet boy into a full hug.

"Besides, I'm really banking on this one to work out," TJ said softly and was only mildly aware that he had been staring at Cyrus a bit too fondly when he heard Andi awkwardly clear her throat. Cyrus removed his arms from TJ after a final squeeze, and TJ deflated slightly at the loss of contact. He and Cyrus were close, sure, and TJ and Andi were touchy enough, but coming from Cyrus, it felt completely different. At least, TJ hoped it was. Hope was a funny thing, though. Through the years, whenever it seemed TJ had the most hope was when life came to remind him he had no business having it in the first place.

"Okay, people. We have exactly T minus 45 minutes until we have to be _in_ the car _speeding_ down the highway to Rapids. Everybody grab their cake and go go GO!" Andi was authoritative, slamming a hand down on the table with each "go" as if she were deploying troops for a mission. Buffy began to cut the cake, cutting around the "Thomas" piece and giving it directly to TJ, who just rolled his eyes and laughed.

They were heading out to Rapids Water Park for the rest of TJ's birthday celebration, planning to spend the rest of the day riding waterslides and eating too many snow cones. It had always been TJ's favorite place he and Andi went to as kids. Aside from their shack, it was one of the places that held many memories of the two of them. They were excited to share it with Buffy and Cyrus. TJ was especially excited to share it with Cyrus. They chatted the whole way up, TJ driving Andi's car, with Cyrus in the front seat choosing music. TJ would tell too many inside jokes just to see the boy smile, and Cyrus would respond with a full-bellied, head-thrown back laugh, and a hand lightly placed on TJ's arm. TJ couldn't help but beam every time.

When they'd arrived, the park was only slightly busier than dead. The park had just opened the week before, and summer was still a month out. Most people weren't too keen on swimming in 70-degree weather, but that didn't stop the group from going and enjoying TJ's "Sweet Sixteen" (which he had begged Buffy to stop calling it).

They did a few waterslides, though Cyrus needed a bit of convincing. On the slides that took pairs, TJ always made sure to stand close to Cyrus in the line, so they could slide down together. He would step close and hold a hand out to touch Cyrus, almost like he was guarding him in a game of basketball. But more intimate, and much fonder.

They played chicken fight for a good hour or so in the pool. Buffy and TJ were reigning champions (because, as much as he wanted to be on a team with Cyrus and carry him on his back, TJ knew Andi was ace at chicken fight, and he knew he needed Buffy if he wanted any chance at winning.) That was one of the rare moments of the day TJ didn't find himself striving to be as close as he could to Cyrus.

They closed the park down that day, staying until the very last employee had practically begged them to leave. They walked out, wrapped in towels, tongues and lips stained red from the snow cones and bright wristbands shining under the setting sun.

They piled into Andi's car, Andi in the driver's seat with Buffy as the designated shotgun DJ. TJ sat in the back with Cyrus as they wrapped up in their towels and tried to warm up. 

Less than 10 minutes in on the nearly hour-long drive, Cyrus curled up next to TJ and fell asleep. The heater was soft and slowly warming TJ, but the second Cyrus softly landed against his shoulder, he was as warm as a July afternoon. He wrapped his arm around the boy and brought him in closer, in tiny, microscopic pulls. A wide grin spread across his face as he felt Cyrus snuggle in closer. His heartbeat was audible as he looked out the window, watching the trees rush past. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, but through the slits in his eyes, all blurry from chlorine and shrouded by his own eyelashes, he didn't miss Buffy look back with an incredulous stare, before turning back to Andi and laughing as if she hadn't seen anything.

'It's him' Buffy had texted TJ later that night. He had just stepped out of the shower after thoroughly washing off all the chlorine. TJ would be lying if he said he didn't immediately want to dash out the door the second he'd read it, but he knew he hadn't been very subtle the past few weeks, least of all today. He would also be lying if he said he wasn't at least a tad relieved that somebody finally _understood._ Without him having to say anything, of course, because that still filled him with paralyzing fear. He couldn't tell his family, and he certainly couldn't lose Cyrus. He definitely couldn't lose Cyrus.

'Please. Don't say anything.' TJ had responded, opting out of playing dumb with a 'who' or a 'what do you mean?' He hadn't realized how desperate he had been for somebody, _anybody,_ to recognize what was going on. He felt terrified and validated, all at the same time.

'of course not. you can always trust me tj' Buffy sent, and TJ let out a sigh of relief. 

'i'm sorry that i made you uncomfortable with my insistence about.. other things. clearly, i was in the wrong and should have listened to you. i support you wholeheartedly.' It was funny, he thought, how jealous Buffy used to make him, before Cyrus came out. He was sure he would hate her for the rest of his life. And now she was one of the best people he knew. Buffy Driscoll was a literal angel.

He placed his phone face down on his dresser and climbed into bed. He was terrified, he knew he was. But he was also consumed with an overwhelming sense of gratitude toward Buffy, and his heart still raced each time he thought of how he was cuddled up with Cyrus just hours before, and how surprisingly unawkward the whole ordeal was.

* * *

TJ sat on the floor of Tandi Shack, fingers tapping nervously against the leg of Andi's craft table. It had been a while since the group had been in the shack, but sometimes official Secret Club business had to be conducted at home base. Even the terrifying, nausea-inducing kind.

TJ stared at the pattern on the rug. It was a new rug they had gotten a few years ago after they had spilled paint on the first one. It was nicer and newer -- one of CeCe's old ones that 'just didn't go with the furniture anymore'.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard 'Smoke on the Water' rapped against the door, each knock making his head pound hard and his heart pound harder. TJ took a deep breath but found it hard to find his voice. After a few moments, the door opened, and Andi and Buffy stepped through.

"Didn't even ask for the password? Security has really gone downhill." Andi smiled as she peeled off her jacket. Buffy recognized the look in TJ's eyes and gave him an understanding and encouraging head nod. Andi looked over to her best friend, sitting on the floor, looking like a nervous, vulnerable child, and stopped in her tracks.

"Oh. This is really serious business, then." she sounded as concerned as she looked, taking a spot on the floor next to TJ, Buffy sitting on his other side. TJ nodded slightly, and looked up, opening his mouth to speak.

"Wait! Shouldn't we wait for Cyrus?" Andi quickly cut him off, pulling out her phone. TJ startled, and quickly pushed her hands down, shaking his head.

"No. No Cyrus." he croaked, and Andi's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"I need to tell you something. Both of you." TJ began. His hand was still nervously tapping against the desk, and Buffy grabbed his hand in between her own, breathing deeply as if she was trying to pass a sense of calmness on to TJ. TJ gratefully accepted the gesture. 

"Remember, Andi, way back in 8th grade, when you guys wanted to know who I had a crush on? And then I never told you?" TJ asked tentatively, though it was obvious that it was more rhetorical. The girls nodded anyway.

"I didn't tell you, because I wasn't ready to come to terms with... certain things. But I am now. Or at least, a little more ready. And you guys deserve to know." TJ nodded determinedly as if encouraging himself. Buffy squeezed his hand lightly.

"I'm gay." TJ said, barely above a whisper. A tear slid down Andi's cheek as she smiled softly and took TJ's other hand in hers. Buffy was beaming.

"TJ. I am _so_ proud of you." TJ felt a weight lift off his chest. Not all the weight, but it was a big start. He smiled a genuine smile in what felt like the first time in weeks.

After a few moments of quiet praises and wiping each other's happy tears with the backs of sleeves, Andi quickly sat upright, her eyebrow quirking up.

"And _Cyrus_ isn't here because..." her voice raised high at the end, in an almost overly-excited, hopeful tone. She nudged his arm, inviting him to answer. TJ thought he would still feel scared, but a giant grin busted through his previously soft expression as he looked at the floor and turned bright red.

"Because I am 100% certifiably in love with him." TJ laughed, scrubbing a hand across his face as the girls both jumped to their feet, cheering.

"Hey, that doesn't mean anything is ever going to _happen."_ TJ sighed and shook his head, but his grin still took up his entire face.

"I don't care this is the cutest thing I've literally ever heard." Buffy looked up toward the ceiling away from TJ, as if she were signifying that she was not listening to him.

"But wait, how long have you liked him?" Andi asked, tiring herself out from jumping around in excitement and settling onto the floor again.

"Officially? I found out at that sleepover. Truthfully? I think I knew it the second I met him." TJ's cheeks were flushed pink again, and the girls squealed together.

The lack of Cyrus did not go unnoticed that night, but with the amount of talking that went on between the three friends about him, he may as well have been there. They stayed up talking and laughing, like years ago, until the first hints of sunlight began to peek through the small window. The teens felt like they were 12 again, talking about Jonah Beck in hushed voices and quiet giggles, except this time it was real, and this time TJ felt free. Freer than he had ever been.

* * *

TJ walked through the unfamiliar hallways as the music shook the floors to a steady beat. It was stifling and hot, too hot, in the main room, and TJ needed just a few seconds to breathe. He looked at the family pictures adorning the walls leading up to the stairs. Cute family pictures, photos of old dogs, a wedding photo. A picture of their baseball team from years ago, TJ and Jonah standing proudly in the back, wearing matching smiles and matching red caps. The group hadn't heard much from Jonah since middle school, but he seemed to be just as kind now as he had been back then.

It was days before school was going to start up again. Jonah had somehow become Grant High's own resident Golden Boy overnight and hastily threw together an end-of-summer party while his parents were away helping his Aunt move. He had invited nearly half the school, and Amber and Zack had generously provided some additional college guests (and college beverages) to 'get the party started'. The Beck house was certainly large, but it didn't seem to take much to have the house teeming with people, suffocatingly so.

TJ had only decided to go because Andi had practically dragged him. The two had planned to ring in the beginning of their Junior year with a good old-fashioned movie marathon, but the second Andi had heard Amber would be there, she gave TJ no choice in the matter. He knew she was slowly figuring out her newfound crush on Amber, and TJ could only hope he was never that obvious about Cyrus.

He wandered around aimlessly, seemingly just trying to find a place where the music and people were not. Eventually, he found his way to the kitchen. Personally, he'd like to think he followed his heartbeat, because not two seconds after he'd walked in, he saw Cyrus sitting alone on the counter.

The kitchen was large, almost too large in TJ's opinion. It was all granite countertops and soft lighting. The kitchen was secluded, walled off from the rest of the hallway. The music could be heard but not felt, here, like a sort of peaceful oasis amidst the chaos.

"Had to sneak away too, huh?" TJ asked as he walked up to the other boy. Cyrus looked behind his shoulder and immediately smiled.

"Yeah, just a bit." Cyrus shrugged and patted the counter next to where he sat. TJ backed up to the counter and hopped up, feeling the cool granite underneath his palms.

"Beck really knows how to throw a party." TJ nodded in approval, and Cyrus hummed in agreement. He lifted his cup to his lips.

"I will say, this house is amazing." Cyrus dragged his hand across the counter as if appraising the value of the rock.

"Really nice. Remind me again why we weren't better friends with him in middle school?" TJ joked and Cyrus hit him lightly on the arm.

"Don't act like you actually wanted to come here." Cyrus lightheartedly accused, and TJ nodded guiltily.

"Well, Andi and I _did_ have a pretty great movie line-up planned. But it's cool, I like hanging out with you, too. Not that you were too keen on going either, I'm sure." TJ knocked his feet against Cyrus'. Cyrus laughed.

"You know me. Life of the party." 

"Well, knowing you, we're going to end up staying late anyway to help clean." TJ looked at Cyrus accusingly.

"Would you look at that, folks, he _does_ know Cyrus Goodman!" Cyrus announced to no one in particular, laughing.

A comfortable silence settled around them. This was one of the things TJ loved most about Cyrus. He didn't always have to talk, he didn't have to listen, he just had to simply be there, and that was enough. 

This time, though, the silence was different. It was as if each second was counting down to something. TJ could hear the ticking in his head, or maybe that was Cyrus' foot tapping calmly against the counter beneath them. TJ looked up from his feet to meet Cyrus eye-to-eye. They were close. So much closer than before. So close TJ could see new flecks in Cyrus' eyes, even in the dim recessed lighting of the Beck's kitchen.

TJ can't remember who leaned in first, or if either of them had said anything in between bated breaths, but in one blink of an eye, TJ's lips connected to Cyrus'. It was rough and little awkward, and TJ wasn't sure where to place his hands, and their noses bumped, and it was absolutely perfect. They pulled back much too quickly, but TJ looked positively dazed. Everything about him, in this moment, screamed _fireworks. No, not fireworks. TNT. Atomic Bomb. Armageddon._ If one could die of happiness, TJ already had one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.

Cyrus giggled awkwardly and leaned in again, tilting his head to connect his lips to TJ's more smoothly, and TJ honestly couldn't help the small gasp he let out when their lips finally connected. He felt Cyrus smile into the kiss and hoped it wasn't because he thought he was an idiot.

TJ placed his hands on Cyrus' waist and Cyrus grabbed a hold of TJ's face to pull him closer. Impossibly close.

TJ must have already died and gone to heaven.

This time, they stayed connected for several moments, taking breaks in between to rest their foreheads together and catch their breath, before going in again, each time more perfect than the last. If it weren't so cliche and pathetic, TJ could honestly cry tears of joy.

They pulled back again, and TJ looked into Cyrus' eyes. His eyes looked just as wild as his own probably looked, with a half dazed-half fond expression. Their lips were pink and raw, and neither could stop smiling. Cyrus took a breath, grabbing TJ's hand.

"Teej -" he began, words stopping in his throat as they heard someone walk through the kitchen entrance.

"Oh thank GOD you guys are here. This party is getting way out of control!" Jonah was pacing, and TJ could tell he was beginning to panic. He only just now realized how damn loud it was in the house. The boys reluctantly let go of each other, hoping Jonah hadn't noticed.

"Could you please help me get rid of everyone?" Jonah pleaded, blue eyes shining with worry, and TJ and Cyrus nodded, abandoning whatever conversation they needed to have for the time being.

TJ was a jumble of feelings. A bit of disappointment, a bit of worry, but mostly just complete and total elation.

He really loved Cyrus Goodman. Even if the other didn't know that quite yet.

* * *

"Cyrus?" TJ asked, ducking into the doorway of Tandi Shack. He walked all the way in and shut the door behind him with a soft click. "Where's Andi?"

"Andi? Where's Buffy?" Cyrus seemed equally as confused. "She said she had something important."

"So did Andi." TJ added, eyeing the door suspiciously. He looked at his phone.

'talk to him. please' Andi had sent him a text just minutes before. He sighed.

TJ and Cyrus hadn't talked about what had happened at Jonah's party in a few weeks. Part of it was school. They had certainly been busy with new classes and extracurriculars, college test prep and more. But more than that, they had settled into the previously uncharted territory of awkward. They had ceased to know how to act around one another. Did they continue as friends, did they confess their undying love? Or did they just awkwardly dance around the subject?

It didn't take long for the girls to notice something was up, and of course, TJ sang like a canary the first time they asked when he was just a bit too tired and emotional to pretend like everything was fine. He was nervous. He didn't want to make the first move, but he certainly didn't want to let Cyrus pass by.

"Guess it's just us, Cy." TJ sighed and sat down at Andi's craft table. Cyrus sat on the edge of the desk, looking at his own phone.

"Looks like we got parent trapped." Cyrus laughed, albeit awkwardly. TJ didn't want him to feel awkward around him.

"We should talk about it, you know." TJ offered, and Cyrus silently nodded.

"I know. I just don't think either of us is ready to make that first step." 

There was a brief pause before TJ opened up again.

"What were you going to say that night. At Jonah's. After we... had our moment." TJ asked, words rushing out just a bit too quickly as his nerves set in.

"It doesn't matter, really." Cyrus clammed up a bit, and TJ placed a hand on his arm.

"No, it matters to me. A lot. Like, it's stupid how much it matters to me." TJ replied honestly, looking at Cyrus with pleading eyes. Cyrus sighed.

"I was going to ask what it meant. See if it was just something that happened because we were both bored or..." Cyrus began but trailed off, and TJ immediately started.

"Cyrus, it wasn't like that at all. At least, not for me." he shook his head vigorously. "Cy, I've liked you for a long time." TJ chanced, closing his eyes as he said the words. He opened them up quickly, just in time to see the smile spread across Cyrus' face.

"Really?" he asked softly, though he couldn't mask the childlike excitement in his voice.

"Absolutely." TJ breathed out as he leaned in, cupping Cyrus' face in his hand as he pulled him forward to meet their lips.

This kiss was unlike the ones at Jonah's party, which were filled with desperation and uncertainty. Each boy poured out every feeling they ever left unsaid, laid out, vulnerable and new. TJ kissed Cyrus in the best way he knew how to convey 'I love you'. Cyrus kissed back with that same passion.

"How long?" Cyrus giggled in between kisses, and TJ felt another stupid grin cross his face.

"Too long." TJ breathed. He contemplated for a moment before stepping back from Cyrus, who pouted at the loss of contact. He reached behind him to grab Cyrus' keys from the table and reached into his own back pocket.

Of course, he always kept his own dinosaur with him. It was like a good luck charm, a physical bit of happiness and promise. He looked at Cyrus, who stared back in confused bewilderment, before pulling his own dinosaur out of his pocket and matching it to Cyrus', which was proudly attached to his keys. The magnets connected, making the dinosaur necks form a heart -- a heart they had been waiting to form for almost a year. Cyrus' jaw hung open slightly.

"There were two," he smiled, grabbing the pair of dinosaurs from TJ. "That's why it was magnetic." 

There was a bit of silence before Cyrus looked up again.

"This long, huh?" he asked, and TJ shook his head, a bit embarrassed.

"This was well after I knew." TJ's cheeks reddened and he looked down a bit at his shoes. "I honestly don't remember when I started to feel this way, I just always kind of have. I was so nervous to tell you, for years." he shook his head as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, if it's any consolation, you hid it pretty well." Cyrus set the dinosaurs on the table and grabbed onto TJ's hands, intertwining their fingers.

"I almost wish you hadn't, though. I would have probably spent less time agonizing over you." Cyrus added, and TJ immediately looked up to Cyrus' face again.

"Really?" It was TJ's turn to hang his mouth open a bit, and Cyrus laughed.

"Oh, yeah. I've always loved you" Cyrus admitted, and TJ's eyes went wide.

"I mean... Love in a less serious non-commital not creepy way," Cyrus immediately began blabbering, his face turning red. 

"Cy?" TJ interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"I love you too." he smiled softly, almost breathing in relief as he spoke the words. He pulled Cyrus toward him, engulfing him into a full-body hug. Both of their hearts beat wildly as they snaked their arms around each other.

"How do we do this? I mean.. Us?" Cyrus asked, still wrapped around the other boy, voice muffled in the crook of his neck.

"We take our time and enjoy it, figure it out as we go," TJ answered thoughtfully, before separating from the hug. He moved over to the table to grab his phone, pressing a few buttons. Within a moment, Tandi shack was filled with the sweet croons of old love songs, and TJ held out his hand to Cyrus, who wordlessly took it.

They didn't really dance but rather swayed (Tandi Shack did not allow nearly enough room to show off), moving slowly to the beat of the music which matched the beat of their hearts. The only thing that crossed TJ's mind, other than all of the new possibilities with Cyrus, was 'thank God'. Thank God for Buffy and Andi, Thank God for actually talking their feelings out, Thank God for Cyrus feeling the same way. Thank God for Cyrus.

"I'll take you on a first date. Next Friday. You pick the location, I'll pick the activity." TJ said as he spun Cyrus out a little way, pulling him back in with a smile.

"I can't wait." Cyrus leaned forward and kissed TJ's shoulder, resting his head.

Andi was TJ's soulmate. She was the peanut butter to his jelly, his meant-to-be. But he wasn't a bug, and that was okay. And sure, he still had to explain things to his family, had figure out how to explain things to Zack without making him feel _too_ guilty for years of jokes and slurs, and _god_ , how to explain it to CeCe who wasn't even his parent but had basically every right to be. How to navigate his first relationship with the boy he'd been ass-over-head in love with for too long. But it was okay, and he had time, and most importantly, he finally had Cyrus Goodman.

Boys will be bugs, surely, but TJ was okay with being that exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically this whole chapter has not been proofread because it is currently 4 am and I will probably pass out after I post this, but literally I stayed up all night writing this 1) for my own satisfaction, and 2) for the like 4 people who actually like this story and give me feedback. This is for y'all. Thank you so much for being such a kind and welcoming fandom, I appreciate all of you and I sincerely hope you enjoy this fic, I put entirely too much thought into it (even though it probably doesn't seem like it). Also this chapter is probably riddled with "Cyrus smiled" "TJ laughed" "they giggled" "someone chuckled" and honestly my vocabulary is pretty limited when it comes to tooth-rotting fluff so enjoy.
> 
> ALso, not that anybody really cares, but Zack in my mind was 1000% Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell, if anybody wanted that solid visual. 
> 
> Lots of Love to you all!


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